One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
