I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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