i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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