I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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