Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize