There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
