you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
