if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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