What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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