Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
