i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
