i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
