Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
