I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
