College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
