I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Those nachos came to me in a dream
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
