Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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