remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
