Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
