i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
