I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
