i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
