I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
