sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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