I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
