I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
