i may or may not be watching the land before time
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
