And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
