you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
