I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
