i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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