I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
