Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
