I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
