Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
