Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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