There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she smelled like a LAN party
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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