I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
