I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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