I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Acid is not a monday night drug
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
