I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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