I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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