"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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