Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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