just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
