Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
