3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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