He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
