you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
