I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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