sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
