He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
