my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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