Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
you never un-have a 4some
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
