Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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