if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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