Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
