Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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