Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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