Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
