I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
