Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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