My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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