i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
