did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
