We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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