i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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