it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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