my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Randomize
