The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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