I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
