I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
