this just has baby written all over it
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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