I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
