Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize